My Husband Won’t Make Me a Priority! How to Shift His Attitude

Your husband has a very full life. Most men do. He likely juggles a full-time career, his responsibilities as a father and his commitment to you. You do the same in your life but you feel that you’ve always made your husband a priority, even though he hasn’t done the same for you. You’re frustrated, disappointed and perhaps even a bit confused. You never imagined your life would end up in this place, did you? You feel unappreciated, taken for granted and unloved. Obviously, this situation has to change. You’re not going to accomplish that by making subtle comments about how your best friend’s husband loves and adores her. It’s also not going to make any difference if you nag your husband in an effort to get him to move you to the top of his priority list. You have to address this issue in a way that makes your husband come to his own realization that you’re the most important person in his life. Understanding the direction you need to take to accomplish that begins with gaining more insight into why he’s acting the way he is.

On the day you and your husband married you promised many things to one another both verbally and silently. To most women one of the major, silent vows is to always put one another at the top of life’s priority list. We, as women, almost always do that with our spouses. We may falter a bit when we become mothers primarily because our parental nature kicks in and we focus all of our attention on our little ones. However, with men it tends to be a bit different story. Men sometimes allow their work or their friends to take top billing. If you’re a wife who is beginning to notice that shift in her husband’s life, it’s ultimately going to hurt.

Shifting your husband’s attitude so that you become the focal point of his life isn’t nearly as hard as you may believe that it is. You’ve likely already tried speaking to him about the problem. In most cases when a husband is confronted with a wife who says that she feels neglected, he’ll take a defensive stance and go on the attack. He may say things about how he works so hard for her or how he can’t ever do anything that makes her happy. This is to be expected and any woman who has had this conversation with her husband more than once, knows that it’s a normal reaction so she doesn’t take it personally.

You absolutely must take a more subtle approach. Your husband reacts better to action than words. Most men do. They will make a change in themselves if they feel something internally as opposed to being told something. That’s why it can be incredibly helpful if you temporarily stop paying your husband as much attention as you have been. You shouldn’t take the stance of pushing him to the back of your priority list, but instead view it as moving other things ahead of him for a time and for a very defined purpose.

The simpler and less meaningful things are the best. That’s to say that if your husband is expecting you to have dinner cooked when he comes home from the office, he should be greeted with a frozen dinner and a note saying you had a yearning to go see a movie with a girlfriend. Another great way to get your point across is to stop doing as much around the house. If you neglect your husband’s laundry because you’re so busy shopping online for a new handbag, he’s going to feel the pinch of your neglect.

This may be viewed by many women as game playing with their spouse but sometimes the way to a man’s heart is through sports. It’s doubtful that your husband has made a conscious effort to push you off his priority list. It’s more likely that he’s mindlessly allowed other things to take precedence. By showing him how that feels, you’ll be pushing him into seeing that there’s a better and more respectful way to be a loving and attentive partner.

How To Focus On Your ‘Right’ Priorities

The word ‘right’ for me means right-brain, which translates to intuitively honoring the optimal choice or investment of time and energy. The right priorities are not always the obvious priorities.

In fact, you may think you need to focus on something but find yourself drawn to something else – afterward, you realize that you weren’t in the mood to do the first one which would have meant you were pushing for it and that makes everything hard.

Humans have a basic need for variety, but they also have a need for stability. The way that I recommend we balance these two needs for our best focus is to have a ‘shopping list’ of things to get done, and then when you have time, look at your list. The first priorities are any that have deadlines (or life lines, as I prefer to call them). If there is a time commitment, that is what needs to be handled first.

From there, if you have time that you can put into something you choose, make sure you have your list handy and then do what’s called ‘eye dowsing’ – see what jumps out at you first. Whatever you see or notice first is generally where the natural energy is most intense or flowing, so that will be the priority that will be your next ‘right’ choice to take action on.

By honoring the energy of what is ‘right’ for you in right sequence and right timing, you can create a systematic flow that may defy the mind’s literal organization and that opens up to enhanced opportunities.

Now for the best way to focus on your ‘right’ priorities: the word ‘right’ for me means right-brain – so intuitively honoring the optimal choice or investment of time and energy. The right priorities are not always the obvious priorities.

In fact, you may think you need to focus on something but find yourself drawn to something else – afterward, you realize that you weren’t in the mood to do the first one which would have meant you were pushing for it and that makes everything hard.

Humans have a basic need for variety, but they also have a need for stability. The way that I recommend we balance these two needs for our best focus is to have a ‘shopping list’ of things to get done, and then when you have time, look at your list. The first priorities are any that have deadlines (or life lines, as I prefer to call them). If there is a time commitment, that is what needs to be handled first.

From there, if you have time that you can put into something you choose, make sure you have your list handy and then do what’s called ‘eye dowsing’ – see what jumps out at you first. Whatever you see or notice first is generally where the natural energy is most intense or flowing, so that will be the priority that will be your next ‘right’ choice to take action on.

By honoring the energy of what is ‘right’ for you in right sequence and right timing, you can create a systematic flow that may defy the mind’s literal organization and that opens up the most important asset you have in your business – your energy.

Lynn Scheurell

www.mycreativecatalyst.com

Dealers Know: Car Loans Take Priority

According to TransUnion reports, auto loans top budget priority payment lists. Even the crash of the housing market, homes loans still fall second to car payments. The mortgage delinquency rates push beyond 30 days yet this expense still takes priority over credit card debt. It makes sense. Why fall short on secured loans when there is personal property at stake? Credit bureaus are not the only eyes watching this trend. Car dealers have taken notice and they are taking advantage of consumer’s eagerness to pay.

Dealers will push a brand new car. Who can resist the smell and sleek interior? It’s a nice thought to be able to get all the latest bells and whistles. It’s okay if your credit score is less than perfect. Dealers have the proof they need that customers are willing to make their loan payment. The salesman will make it is easy to afford the installment loan payment even for those with sub-prime credit. By extending the term of the loan to 5 – 7 years, the finance department will manipulate the payment plan to fit your budget. You probably will never even notice what interest rate you are paying. The excitement of a loan approval will often fog those details. Long loan terms equate to lots of interest charges. It’s a small detail the finance department will probably choose to omit from their convincing speech. Don’t want to pay the extended interest payment? The dealer will understand and lead you to the used lot.

There is a sale’s pitch waiting for the buyer in a used lot as well. Many car lots only focus on used vehicles. Dealers know that many consumers don’t want to drive off the lot and immediately lose a chunk of the car’s value. A used car is not only more affordable than a brand new one, but you can get a reliable vehicle for a lot less money. Consumers ditch the brand new car smell for more affordable payments. As with new cars, finance plans can create very low monthly payments using extended terms. A smaller payment will help the budget. Car shopping, whether used or new, is an exciting time.

Customers are willing to make their car payments. Dealers take advantage of this situation by inviting sub-prime customers to their lots with pre-approved loan notices. Similar to credit card companies, pre-approved notices are mailed to attract new customers. Higher than average interest charges are welcomed for many who thought they would never be able to buy a decent vehicle. The dealer understands. Not only are the offers high interest, but the loan itself is secure with the vehicle as collateral. Dealers are in a win-win situation when offering a hand to those with credit challenges. It doesn’t matter to the salesman that the customer may not be able to afford other living expenses. They have their own paycheck to worry about.

What consumers should consider before purchasing a car –

– Loans with terms longer than 60 months. The final ending price inflates from interest costs. Pay extra whenever possible to decrease loan term.

– Pay attention to interest rate costs. You pay attention to credit care and payday loan interest, do the same for your car payment. Shop around for a better price or hold off on your purchase until you can raise your credit scores.

– Refinance if your credit improves over the 5-7 year term loan.

– Make sure you can afford maintenance and upkeep. Parts and labor are more expensive for higher end cars.

As good as it feels to be able to buy a car, the rest of your budget must keep up. Focus on making good on car payments so you don’t forfeit the vehicle as collateral. Make sure that extra cost will not interfere with all other budget demands as well. A smart budget shopper will fit it all in.