My Husband Won’t Make Me a Priority! How to Shift His Attitude

Your husband has a very full life. Most men do. He likely juggles a full-time career, his responsibilities as a father and his commitment to you. You do the same in your life but you feel that you’ve always made your husband a priority, even though he hasn’t done the same for you. You’re frustrated, disappointed and perhaps even a bit confused. You never imagined your life would end up in this place, did you? You feel unappreciated, taken for granted and unloved. Obviously, this situation has to change. You’re not going to accomplish that by making subtle comments about how your best friend’s husband loves and adores her. It’s also not going to make any difference if you nag your husband in an effort to get him to move you to the top of his priority list. You have to address this issue in a way that makes your husband come to his own realization that you’re the most important person in his life. Understanding the direction you need to take to accomplish that begins with gaining more insight into why he’s acting the way he is.

On the day you and your husband married you promised many things to one another both verbally and silently. To most women one of the major, silent vows is to always put one another at the top of life’s priority list. We, as women, almost always do that with our spouses. We may falter a bit when we become mothers primarily because our parental nature kicks in and we focus all of our attention on our little ones. However, with men it tends to be a bit different story. Men sometimes allow their work or their friends to take top billing. If you’re a wife who is beginning to notice that shift in her husband’s life, it’s ultimately going to hurt.

Shifting your husband’s attitude so that you become the focal point of his life isn’t nearly as hard as you may believe that it is. You’ve likely already tried speaking to him about the problem. In most cases when a husband is confronted with a wife who says that she feels neglected, he’ll take a defensive stance and go on the attack. He may say things about how he works so hard for her or how he can’t ever do anything that makes her happy. This is to be expected and any woman who has had this conversation with her husband more than once, knows that it’s a normal reaction so she doesn’t take it personally.

You absolutely must take a more subtle approach. Your husband reacts better to action than words. Most men do. They will make a change in themselves if they feel something internally as opposed to being told something. That’s why it can be incredibly helpful if you temporarily stop paying your husband as much attention as you have been. You shouldn’t take the stance of pushing him to the back of your priority list, but instead view it as moving other things ahead of him for a time and for a very defined purpose.

The simpler and less meaningful things are the best. That’s to say that if your husband is expecting you to have dinner cooked when he comes home from the office, he should be greeted with a frozen dinner and a note saying you had a yearning to go see a movie with a girlfriend. Another great way to get your point across is to stop doing as much around the house. If you neglect your husband’s laundry because you’re so busy shopping online for a new handbag, he’s going to feel the pinch of your neglect.

This may be viewed by many women as game playing with their spouse but sometimes the way to a man’s heart is through sports. It’s doubtful that your husband has made a conscious effort to push you off his priority list. It’s more likely that he’s mindlessly allowed other things to take precedence. By showing him how that feels, you’ll be pushing him into seeing that there’s a better and more respectful way to be a loving and attentive partner.

Marriage – Your Priority

One of the reasons why marriages fail is simply because people do not make their marriage a priority. And by the time they figure this out it’s too late. I have often said, “If you sacrifice your marriage and family to be a success in business then you have lost it all.” Your relationship with your spouse is much more important than your job.

Let me share with you some of the ways you can make your marriage a priority. Remember a good marriage does not happen by accident. It requires hard work. Now here are some things you can do to make your marriage a priority.

1. Sit down with your spouse. Make a list of all the things you are both doing in your lives. And if you have children list all the things they are doing. Then decide what activities are hindering you from spending proper time together. Then remove those things from your schedule.

Now this is the problem. Most people are too busy and too tired to put time into their marriage and family. If they see the need to change their priorities they add things rather than subtract things from their schedule. The only way you can make your marriage a priority is to remove something from your schedule.

2. Make sure you and your spouse have time to communicate each week. That’s why I often suggest to couples that they have a date night. A few hours once a week of uninterrupted time each week with one another. A date night helps couples to enjoy one another.

But Couples often think a date night requires a lot of money. But the opposite is true. It’s just a matter of being creative. Even if you just go to a local coffee shop you are together doing something positive. You can go out for coffee for less than $5.00.

3. Set boundaries between work and family. You were never meant to work seven days a week. God has given us six days to work, and one day for worship and rest. And if you work seven days a week then this will in time affect your health, your marriage, and family.

But make sure you are clear about the difference between family time and work time. If possible leave your work at the office then you can concentrate on family at home. Research has shown we get more done at work if we make the family our priority.

How to Make the Most of Your Outfits’ Shopping Trips?

Whenever I head to the malls, I look at my overflowing wardrobe to remind myself, though usually fruitlessly, that I must exercise restraint. I do the same, when I browse my favorite websites online. The online stores offer irresistible deals, so this personal resolve weakens there considerably. And, when it’s about sales and discounts – whether online or in the real shops – even the constant reminders fail to work.

I am sure that’s the case with most people, these days. After all, who would say no to the wonders of a nice shopping trip! However, what is important is that this ‘happy’ and ‘adrenaline-pumped, relaxed, de-stressed’ feeling remains (and escalates), even after credit/ debit card swipes.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case – always. Once the colorful stuffed bags are in hands, the ‘happy’ feeling fades, getting replaced by guilt or remorse – for many. There have been instances, when I have instantly regretted a purchase. I have seen women cursing themselves for buying something ‘useless’, as they were influenced by a fellow shopper or coaxed by a pushy shop assistant.

Some just cannot say no! Others decide to cancel, or worse, refuse Cash On Delivery orders. Cancellations and refund requests are a routine affair in the online shopping domain, and most ecommerce portals reel under the pressure created by incessant ‘returns’. Many of us just cannot seem to get the most out of our shopping escapades. And, a wrong shopping decision is not just about wasting the money – it’s also a great burden on our time strapped lives.

Well, here we bring you some tips that will help you make the most out of the time, effort and money spent on every shopping trip you take – in the real or the virtual world.

1. Think of Your Vital Expenses – for the month

This is one thing that I have always seen working for my husband, who always mentally cruises through the current expenses list, before he clicks on the ‘Buy’ button. Start with the expenditures that are waiting payment or processing.

Okay, it may sound like a depressing thing to do at the beginning of a, probably, uplifting shopping cruise, but it does make a lot of sense. You will be reminded of the priorities, so you will end up shopping only for the priority stuff.

2. Don’t Go Shopping (even online) – when in a hurry (or just before a meeting)

The feeling of ‘running around’ makes us stressed and anxious. We may not realize, but any frenetic, frenzied run-through is bound to leave you on your nerves.

Purchases made in such a frame of mind are quite unlikely to fit in the ‘great’ category. Also, we tend not to be our resourceful best, in such a state of mind. Plus, hurrying doesn’t let us look for options. Buying whatever we encounter first, irrespective of quality – especially when it’s something essential (at the moment) – is quite likely in a maniac rush.

That is precisely why planning ahead works well. If you have to make some purchases for some event, occasion, wedding or anything – even a gift – do so in advance, as you are unlikely to get something you ‘really admire’ in a hurried shopping trip. For the same reason, I now even avoid buying groceries and veggies in my lunch hour ‘free-time’. Doesn’t really work well, I realized!

3. Don’t Go Shopping – when angry or hungry (or thirsty)!

Cranky is bad, when shopping. If you are hungry, again you will be in a hurry to wind up the shopping, so you can eat (and drink). So, all we talked about in point 2 – applies here too.

Most women decide to go shopping to beat stress or a bad mood, alright. But, ask these ladies, if they love their purchases made on those ‘seriously-need-a-mood-lift’ trips. The majority of answers will put you off doing this in future. Instead, go for a run, or to a park to play with kids, or simply take a stroll with your favorite music in your ears – to uplift sodden spirits. Shopping is best done, when you are in a balanced state of mind!

4. Make a List

As old-fashioned and clich├ęd as it sounds, preparing lists really helps in prioritizing and cutting out unnecessary buys.

Contrary to the popular belief, making lists ahead of a shopping trip is not restrictive. Instead, it leans a direction and flow to your trip down the mall or street. And, at the end of it all, who is asking you to ‘not’ buy anything apart from what the list lists. Just start with the most important stuff, or something that you actually need, and then go to the peripheries and extras.

It will also reduce your effort too. I recently needed a new Anarkali, which I forgot, as I entered the mall. I shopped for 2 pairs of shoes, which I don’t regret at all. But, on my way back, I realized I ‘really’ needed the dress for my dance class. Since I was already out, I did not go back to level 4 in the mall – to my favorite store. I bought one from a shop near my home, and I rarely wear that suit now. Get the point?

5. Keep a Time-Limit

Okay, I know it sounds quite contra-indicative to points 2 and 3, but ironically it still makes sense. So, you shouldn’t be hurrying while shopping, but you must also know that you don’t have all the time in the world. Your trip or virtual crawling need not be bound by strict time deadlines, making it impossible for you to ‘breathe’. But, you still must set a stipulated time, when you would need to finish you stroll through the mall.

This will help you prioritize and avoid endless comparisons. It will also save time and efforts, as you will not dilly dally! Still not convinced? Try first and tell us later!

6. Visit your Favorite Stores First

Again it’s about prioritizing. When you start your shopping stroll, you are freshest, perkiest and most sorted. Most of us know, what we want and what we need. So, things are clearer. And thus, it makes sense to head to stores that are your favorites, or where you know the fitting, quality, prices etc. are most suitable for you.

So, instead of mindlessly drifting to the spots nearest to parking area or entrance (like my husband does), or getting enamored by biggest discounts and most vibrant hoardings – first head to your trusted labels. Devote the best part of your shopping trip to the places that are sure to fit your personal bill! Everything can come later.

7. Pay by Cash – whenever, wherever you can…

You know how it works. When we count notes to make payments, we better register – how much we have paid. Plastic money doesn’t let it seep in our mind – unless we see those humongous bills.

8. Don’t Go with a ‘Friend’ – who is too haute, too self-immersed, too cranky, too critical, too rich, too careless – basically ‘too’ anything.

We don’t need such influences, when we are trying to make the most of a coveted shopping trip. That’s the reason, shopping online, when at work, surrounded by colleagues with hundreds of divergent opinions doesn’t work well.

Ask for opinions, suggestions, feedback – but not from someone, you know, would always disagree, or has extremely different likes that your own preferences.

9. Dress up well, wear well-fitting lingerie and good shoes

You will, invariably, end up trying your clothes, so you must know how they will actually look on you, when you are ready to ‘go out’. So, don’t make the mistake of going shopping in flip-flops and shabby undergarments, especially with a shopping agenda to buy something special.

Dressing up well also invites good attention from shop assistants, besides giving you confidence to say ‘NO’ when you want to. Look great, feel sprightly and shop right!