My Husband Won’t Make Me a Priority! How to Shift His Attitude

Your husband has a very full life. Most men do. He likely juggles a full-time career, his responsibilities as a father and his commitment to you. You do the same in your life but you feel that you’ve always made your husband a priority, even though he hasn’t done the same for you. You’re frustrated, disappointed and perhaps even a bit confused. You never imagined your life would end up in this place, did you? You feel unappreciated, taken for granted and unloved. Obviously, this situation has to change. You’re not going to accomplish that by making subtle comments about how your best friend’s husband loves and adores her. It’s also not going to make any difference if you nag your husband in an effort to get him to move you to the top of his priority list. You have to address this issue in a way that makes your husband come to his own realization that you’re the most important person in his life. Understanding the direction you need to take to accomplish that begins with gaining more insight into why he’s acting the way he is.

On the day you and your husband married you promised many things to one another both verbally and silently. To most women one of the major, silent vows is to always put one another at the top of life’s priority list. We, as women, almost always do that with our spouses. We may falter a bit when we become mothers primarily because our parental nature kicks in and we focus all of our attention on our little ones. However, with men it tends to be a bit different story. Men sometimes allow their work or their friends to take top billing. If you’re a wife who is beginning to notice that shift in her husband’s life, it’s ultimately going to hurt.

Shifting your husband’s attitude so that you become the focal point of his life isn’t nearly as hard as you may believe that it is. You’ve likely already tried speaking to him about the problem. In most cases when a husband is confronted with a wife who says that she feels neglected, he’ll take a defensive stance and go on the attack. He may say things about how he works so hard for her or how he can’t ever do anything that makes her happy. This is to be expected and any woman who has had this conversation with her husband more than once, knows that it’s a normal reaction so she doesn’t take it personally.

You absolutely must take a more subtle approach. Your husband reacts better to action than words. Most men do. They will make a change in themselves if they feel something internally as opposed to being told something. That’s why it can be incredibly helpful if you temporarily stop paying your husband as much attention as you have been. You shouldn’t take the stance of pushing him to the back of your priority list, but instead view it as moving other things ahead of him for a time and for a very defined purpose.

The simpler and less meaningful things are the best. That’s to say that if your husband is expecting you to have dinner cooked when he comes home from the office, he should be greeted with a frozen dinner and a note saying you had a yearning to go see a movie with a girlfriend. Another great way to get your point across is to stop doing as much around the house. If you neglect your husband’s laundry because you’re so busy shopping online for a new handbag, he’s going to feel the pinch of your neglect.

This may be viewed by many women as game playing with their spouse but sometimes the way to a man’s heart is through sports. It’s doubtful that your husband has made a conscious effort to push you off his priority list. It’s more likely that he’s mindlessly allowed other things to take precedence. By showing him how that feels, you’ll be pushing him into seeing that there’s a better and more respectful way to be a loving and attentive partner.

How to Make the Most of Your Outfits’ Shopping Trips?

Whenever I head to the malls, I look at my overflowing wardrobe to remind myself, though usually fruitlessly, that I must exercise restraint. I do the same, when I browse my favorite websites online. The online stores offer irresistible deals, so this personal resolve weakens there considerably. And, when it’s about sales and discounts – whether online or in the real shops – even the constant reminders fail to work.

I am sure that’s the case with most people, these days. After all, who would say no to the wonders of a nice shopping trip! However, what is important is that this ‘happy’ and ‘adrenaline-pumped, relaxed, de-stressed’ feeling remains (and escalates), even after credit/ debit card swipes.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case – always. Once the colorful stuffed bags are in hands, the ‘happy’ feeling fades, getting replaced by guilt or remorse – for many. There have been instances, when I have instantly regretted a purchase. I have seen women cursing themselves for buying something ‘useless’, as they were influenced by a fellow shopper or coaxed by a pushy shop assistant.

Some just cannot say no! Others decide to cancel, or worse, refuse Cash On Delivery orders. Cancellations and refund requests are a routine affair in the online shopping domain, and most ecommerce portals reel under the pressure created by incessant ‘returns’. Many of us just cannot seem to get the most out of our shopping escapades. And, a wrong shopping decision is not just about wasting the money – it’s also a great burden on our time strapped lives.

Well, here we bring you some tips that will help you make the most out of the time, effort and money spent on every shopping trip you take – in the real or the virtual world.

1. Think of Your Vital Expenses – for the month

This is one thing that I have always seen working for my husband, who always mentally cruises through the current expenses list, before he clicks on the ‘Buy’ button. Start with the expenditures that are waiting payment or processing.

Okay, it may sound like a depressing thing to do at the beginning of a, probably, uplifting shopping cruise, but it does make a lot of sense. You will be reminded of the priorities, so you will end up shopping only for the priority stuff.

2. Don’t Go Shopping (even online) – when in a hurry (or just before a meeting)

The feeling of ‘running around’ makes us stressed and anxious. We may not realize, but any frenetic, frenzied run-through is bound to leave you on your nerves.

Purchases made in such a frame of mind are quite unlikely to fit in the ‘great’ category. Also, we tend not to be our resourceful best, in such a state of mind. Plus, hurrying doesn’t let us look for options. Buying whatever we encounter first, irrespective of quality – especially when it’s something essential (at the moment) – is quite likely in a maniac rush.

That is precisely why planning ahead works well. If you have to make some purchases for some event, occasion, wedding or anything – even a gift – do so in advance, as you are unlikely to get something you ‘really admire’ in a hurried shopping trip. For the same reason, I now even avoid buying groceries and veggies in my lunch hour ‘free-time’. Doesn’t really work well, I realized!

3. Don’t Go Shopping – when angry or hungry (or thirsty)!

Cranky is bad, when shopping. If you are hungry, again you will be in a hurry to wind up the shopping, so you can eat (and drink). So, all we talked about in point 2 – applies here too.

Most women decide to go shopping to beat stress or a bad mood, alright. But, ask these ladies, if they love their purchases made on those ‘seriously-need-a-mood-lift’ trips. The majority of answers will put you off doing this in future. Instead, go for a run, or to a park to play with kids, or simply take a stroll with your favorite music in your ears – to uplift sodden spirits. Shopping is best done, when you are in a balanced state of mind!

4. Make a List

As old-fashioned and clich├ęd as it sounds, preparing lists really helps in prioritizing and cutting out unnecessary buys.

Contrary to the popular belief, making lists ahead of a shopping trip is not restrictive. Instead, it leans a direction and flow to your trip down the mall or street. And, at the end of it all, who is asking you to ‘not’ buy anything apart from what the list lists. Just start with the most important stuff, or something that you actually need, and then go to the peripheries and extras.

It will also reduce your effort too. I recently needed a new Anarkali, which I forgot, as I entered the mall. I shopped for 2 pairs of shoes, which I don’t regret at all. But, on my way back, I realized I ‘really’ needed the dress for my dance class. Since I was already out, I did not go back to level 4 in the mall – to my favorite store. I bought one from a shop near my home, and I rarely wear that suit now. Get the point?

5. Keep a Time-Limit

Okay, I know it sounds quite contra-indicative to points 2 and 3, but ironically it still makes sense. So, you shouldn’t be hurrying while shopping, but you must also know that you don’t have all the time in the world. Your trip or virtual crawling need not be bound by strict time deadlines, making it impossible for you to ‘breathe’. But, you still must set a stipulated time, when you would need to finish you stroll through the mall.

This will help you prioritize and avoid endless comparisons. It will also save time and efforts, as you will not dilly dally! Still not convinced? Try first and tell us later!

6. Visit your Favorite Stores First

Again it’s about prioritizing. When you start your shopping stroll, you are freshest, perkiest and most sorted. Most of us know, what we want and what we need. So, things are clearer. And thus, it makes sense to head to stores that are your favorites, or where you know the fitting, quality, prices etc. are most suitable for you.

So, instead of mindlessly drifting to the spots nearest to parking area or entrance (like my husband does), or getting enamored by biggest discounts and most vibrant hoardings – first head to your trusted labels. Devote the best part of your shopping trip to the places that are sure to fit your personal bill! Everything can come later.

7. Pay by Cash – whenever, wherever you can…

You know how it works. When we count notes to make payments, we better register – how much we have paid. Plastic money doesn’t let it seep in our mind – unless we see those humongous bills.

8. Don’t Go with a ‘Friend’ – who is too haute, too self-immersed, too cranky, too critical, too rich, too careless – basically ‘too’ anything.

We don’t need such influences, when we are trying to make the most of a coveted shopping trip. That’s the reason, shopping online, when at work, surrounded by colleagues with hundreds of divergent opinions doesn’t work well.

Ask for opinions, suggestions, feedback – but not from someone, you know, would always disagree, or has extremely different likes that your own preferences.

9. Dress up well, wear well-fitting lingerie and good shoes

You will, invariably, end up trying your clothes, so you must know how they will actually look on you, when you are ready to ‘go out’. So, don’t make the mistake of going shopping in flip-flops and shabby undergarments, especially with a shopping agenda to buy something special.

Dressing up well also invites good attention from shop assistants, besides giving you confidence to say ‘NO’ when you want to. Look great, feel sprightly and shop right!

Dealers Know: Car Loans Take Priority

According to TransUnion reports, auto loans top budget priority payment lists. Even the crash of the housing market, homes loans still fall second to car payments. The mortgage delinquency rates push beyond 30 days yet this expense still takes priority over credit card debt. It makes sense. Why fall short on secured loans when there is personal property at stake? Credit bureaus are not the only eyes watching this trend. Car dealers have taken notice and they are taking advantage of consumer’s eagerness to pay.

Dealers will push a brand new car. Who can resist the smell and sleek interior? It’s a nice thought to be able to get all the latest bells and whistles. It’s okay if your credit score is less than perfect. Dealers have the proof they need that customers are willing to make their loan payment. The salesman will make it is easy to afford the installment loan payment even for those with sub-prime credit. By extending the term of the loan to 5 – 7 years, the finance department will manipulate the payment plan to fit your budget. You probably will never even notice what interest rate you are paying. The excitement of a loan approval will often fog those details. Long loan terms equate to lots of interest charges. It’s a small detail the finance department will probably choose to omit from their convincing speech. Don’t want to pay the extended interest payment? The dealer will understand and lead you to the used lot.

There is a sale’s pitch waiting for the buyer in a used lot as well. Many car lots only focus on used vehicles. Dealers know that many consumers don’t want to drive off the lot and immediately lose a chunk of the car’s value. A used car is not only more affordable than a brand new one, but you can get a reliable vehicle for a lot less money. Consumers ditch the brand new car smell for more affordable payments. As with new cars, finance plans can create very low monthly payments using extended terms. A smaller payment will help the budget. Car shopping, whether used or new, is an exciting time.

Customers are willing to make their car payments. Dealers take advantage of this situation by inviting sub-prime customers to their lots with pre-approved loan notices. Similar to credit card companies, pre-approved notices are mailed to attract new customers. Higher than average interest charges are welcomed for many who thought they would never be able to buy a decent vehicle. The dealer understands. Not only are the offers high interest, but the loan itself is secure with the vehicle as collateral. Dealers are in a win-win situation when offering a hand to those with credit challenges. It doesn’t matter to the salesman that the customer may not be able to afford other living expenses. They have their own paycheck to worry about.

What consumers should consider before purchasing a car –

– Loans with terms longer than 60 months. The final ending price inflates from interest costs. Pay extra whenever possible to decrease loan term.

– Pay attention to interest rate costs. You pay attention to credit care and payday loan interest, do the same for your car payment. Shop around for a better price or hold off on your purchase until you can raise your credit scores.

– Refinance if your credit improves over the 5-7 year term loan.

– Make sure you can afford maintenance and upkeep. Parts and labor are more expensive for higher end cars.

As good as it feels to be able to buy a car, the rest of your budget must keep up. Focus on making good on car payments so you don’t forfeit the vehicle as collateral. Make sure that extra cost will not interfere with all other budget demands as well. A smart budget shopper will fit it all in.